The Twenty Second Time
by asmallthing
Summary: She's been on the run for too long and she knows now that he'd lied. It doesn't get easier.


Nicky walked into the smoky bar and sat down at her usual spot. This seat offered a clear line of sight on the only entrance into the place and was located directly in front of a mirror which allowed her to discretely keep an eye on what was going on behind her. The bartender nodded a hello to her and set a drink in front of her without asking what she wanted. _Fuck. I've been here too many times._

She was going to miss this place. It was dingy, smoky, cheap, but the people were friendly and she had found that she could strike up a conversation with someone easily. The after work crowd seemed to pretty much all know each other and she had felt instantly included in their group when she'd been dragged into a friendly dispute over politics on her first visit.

She cringed inwardly again when a guy she'd talked to a few times before sat down next to her and asked how her week had gone. This would have to be her last night here. She had somehow managed to make friends, of a sort, with the regulars at this place.

Friends were dangerous.

Oh, but it was_ so_ _nice_ to have someone ask her about her week. It was even nice to listen to him talk about his week. He was funny and had an infectious laugh that drew people to him. Soon there was a group standing around them at the corner of the bar and she found herself laughing with them about the name of the band that was scheduled to play that weekend, how the much-hated 'parking Nazi' that had ticketed several regulars had gotten himself arrested, and the new pizza restaurant that had opened down the street, and she let herself relax and enjoy feeling like a normal person for the first time in forever.

When someone suggested a round of shots, she politely declined, thinking that she should probably head home. But her new friend ordered one for her anyway and pressed it into her hand saying "Let me buy you one. I could tell you wanted to say yes."

He was right. She did want to say yes, just this once. It was exhausting to never let her guard down and this was her last night here so she accepted the shot and stayed far later than she ever had before. She was definitely tipsy and the bar started to get crowded as the band began to play which made her feel uncomfortable. She glanced into the mirror, scanning the crowd behind her for the hundredth time, and froze when her eyes found Jason standing in the crowd behind her waiting for her to notice him.

She hadn't seen him in six months and a thrill ran through her body at the sight of him. He'd never gone so long between visits and she had actually started to worry about him. He looked okay, there were no visible injuries at least, and she breathed a sigh of relief. He was okay and he'd come back to her.

He walked up behind her, never once breaking eye contact and stood so close that she could actually feel the heat coming off of his body but he didn't touch her. Her heart raced and she watched her face go pale in the mirror when he leaned past her and put money down on the bar in front of her for her tab and growled into her ear. "Go. Home."

He was mad. She could read the look in his eyes. She heard it in his carefully controlled tone. She recognized the rigid set to his shoulders and knew, when he restrained himself from touching her, that he was mad. An angry Jason Bourne was flat out terrifying, even to Nicky. Her heart was racing uncomfortably fast, she forgot to breathe, time seemed to slow down. But it never occurred to her to disobey his instruction and she immediately reached down for her purse and when she stood up, he was gone.

She mumbled a quick goodbye to the group and walked out, letting her eyes search for Jason. There was no sign of him in the crowd around the front door and she never once caught a glimpse of him as she made her way to her car but she knew he was close. She drove carefully, knowing that although the shock of his sudden appearance had sobered her up abruptly, that she was still most likely over the legal limit.

He met her at her front door, appearing silently out of the shadows as she struggled to get her key into the lock. Her hands were shaking so badly that she actually dropped her keys. "Dammit." She couldn't believe that she had let him get to her like this, he had only said two words to her and she was shaking like a leaf. She picked up her keys and tried again, keenly aware of his presence and feeling his steady gaze on her back. She fumbled again and almost dropped them a second time. This time she was surprised to find herself bursting into tears.

He stepped past her, picked the lock, and opened the door without speaking to her. She took a deep breath in an effort to calm herself and followed him inside the house she had been renting for the last six months. "Jason, I know I should have" she began as soon as they were inside the privacy of her house with the door closed firmly behind them. But her attempt at explanation was cut short when he grabbed her by her upper arms and forced her against the wall. She felt the tears start flowing again, hot on her face and she whimpered in fear. He was actually hurting her and the grip on her arms grew even tighter as shook her against the wall. She'd never seen him this angry at her and she didn't really understand what she'd done to make him so upset. "Please, Jason, don't" she begged.

"Don't _what_ Nicky?" he spat out.

She drew in a shuddering breath and pleaded with him. "Don't do this. I know I broke the rules... I'm sorry, Jason, don't... don't hurt me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She was sobbing uncontrollably now.

He stared at her, jaw clenched. She had no idea how much trouble she was in. She hadn't just broken the rules, she'd blatantly disregarded them, for months. And those rules, the rules he'd so carefully taught her, were the only thing keeping her alive. He needed to be able to count on her to do as he'd taught her when he wasn't there and her carelessness and stupidity had absolutely enraged him when he'd found her today. Thinking about it rekindled his rage and he shook her again, forcing her against the wall with his body and lifting her to her toes. "_I'm_ not the one trying to hurt you. _I'm_ the one trying to save your fucking life." He pulled her away from the wall and propelled her into her bedroom.

There was a body on her floor.

She stared at it in shock. She had never seen this man before but she knew exactly who he was, what he was. "They found me." she whispered and turned to face Jason, the shock evident on her face. "How did you know?"

"_I didn't_." It had been sheer dumb luck that he'd found the man waiting for her in her home tonight and that thought twisted his gut. "I haven't even been in the country for two months." That was by far the longest he'd ever gone without checking on her and it had been too long. He'd almost let them get her. If he'd been a few hours later...

He cupped her face in his hands, guilt washing over him so completely that he felt like he was drowning in it. "Nicky, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you. It was my fault." He told her. And it _was_ his fault. He'd left her alone for too long. He'd expected too much of her. He'd _lied_ to her; it never got easier, this life they were living.

"I should be mad at myself, not you." The guilt he'd felt when he realized what he had almost let happen to her had absolutely overwhelmed him and spilled out into rage, which he had directed, however unfairly, at her. He had placed the blame for everything on her failure to follow the rules instead of himself for failing to protect her. Then as he stood there gazing at her tear-stained face cupped in his hands he realized that it wasn't just guilt that he'd felt. It was fear.

"I almost lost you." The admission tore his heart in two. He'd carefully kept his distance from her for years in an attempt, which he now realized had been futile, to keep himself from falling in love with her. Tonight, when he'd realized how close he had come to losing her, he understood for the first time that nothing else mattered in his world. She was his everything.

Despite everything that she'd been through, despite all the lonely days, the long nights, the fear, the pain, despite everything; she heard his words for what they were and her heart turned over in her chest. _He loved her_. Her whole body thrilled with the knowledge of that truth. _He loved her._

She rose up on her tiptoes and timidly reached out to kiss him, just a quick brush of her lips on his. Their breaths mingled as he answered her kiss, pulling her close. He let his hands, which were still cupping her face, slide down to rest on her hips.

They'd both waited for this moment for years. But still he pushed her away.

"We have to go."

There was a body on the floor. This house wasn't safe. _She_ wasn't safe here. They had found her, found _them,_ and he knew that they had to run. He'd had to bring her back here. He needed her to see, really see, the danger she had put herself in. She also needed to grab her things and he hadn't stuck around after he'd killed the intruder to search the body. He'd been too worried about her, too angry with her, and had rushed out to find her as soon as he'd neutralized the threat.

"Get your stuff." he told her and turned to the body as she immediately went to her bathroom and reached under the counter to grab her emergency bag of documents, cash, and a phone which was taped securely to the underside of the sink. She then went to her closet and pulled down a bag, already packed, and grabbed her laptop from the desk. She was ready to go. It took less than a minute.

He didn't find anything useful on the body, other than a phone and obviously faked identification, and he reached out and took her hand in his. "I'll drive."

She was walking out of her life, again. Leaving her home, her job, her car, her friends, everything. This was the twenty-second time she'd done it but it was the first time she did it without crying.

It was the first time she wasn't leaving alone.


End file.
